Writing an entry about L.O.V.E. on the last day of the love month! What do I want to talk about? The second greatest love of all - the self-love. I usually have structured thoughts before I write for an article on this blog but this time I might just ramble on.
I wanna start with these photos (of old photos) of the little me and my family. I believe that love is nurtured at home and I am glad my parents did not come short of making their children feel important, validated and loved.
We grew up being validated by our parents. My father would always tell us we were bright and beautiful and handsome and that we got it from him. Ha! I see how he does the same to his grandchildren now. As the years unfolded, I discovered that not everything he told us we were were true. For instance, he would always say I had a nice singing voice because I got it from him. I believed him for so long and felt confident that I could sing because he could really sing well. That was until my sister recorded my voice on a cassette tape (90's kids alert). When I heard my voice, wow! I was amazed of how tone-deaf I was! In my ears I was singing in tune but really, I could not hit a single note. This is why you cannot see me doing karaoke, ha! His validations, although some are false, gave me confidence, value, and self-worth. But I highly discourage false validations. It might be harmful for others ('ears).
As to my mother, she never missed a school performance. In school, I was always asked to dance, orate, join quiz bees (but never sing) and I always looked for her face from the stage. I did not understand how important it was to me then but I do now. We were never verbal about our love for each other growing up. It is only recently that we can actually say "I love you" to our parents but I have always felt loved. My mother said I was a difficult child but I felt I was transformed by the holy spirit through her prayers.
I feel that self-love springs from the love-seed planted by our parents in our young hearts and minds. Notice how some people seek strangers' validations and attention. This has become an issue in this world of social media. It seems that what others (strangers at that) say about us are deemed as more important than our family members and friends' opinions. I think this issue is big enough I feel I am not in the position to elaborate.
Teenage years to late 20's were particularly difficult for me. Although I get enough love from home, science says that it is during these years that we tend to value the opinions of our peers. I questioned so many things about myself, my body. Self-acceptance became a struggle. Why am I too short, too thin, too pimply? Why am I not like her? Why don't I have this or that? It is so true what they say, "It all gets better." And that is exactly what I will tell my younger self. I have come to terms with myself a few years back and I have loved my body since, in all its greatness and flaws. I know I should not be using the word great to describe my tiny body but hey, just let me :) I am also grateful to not have mean friends during those sensitive years. I was surrounded by friends who were very accepting of my complicated personality.
In the years of meeting, listening, and talking to people, I have come to realize that each one of us wants to be loved or be validated at least. Everyone desires attention, validation, love. If we cannot get love from our parents and immediate family members, let us surround ourselves with friends who celebrate us. I have very few friends. I have not gained a single one in the past 5 years, I guess. I am tempted to think I have a personality disorder because again the world says we should have friends here and there. Well, I am not made for the socializing world. It seriously exhausts me, ha! I think I am beginning to sound like a boring and unhappy person now. Boring, as to the rest of the world's standards, yes I am. Unhappy, definitely not. Happiness, just like beauty, has a subjective meaning. And mine means solitude with pens and a journal, a quiet place to read a book, a new place to explore with lots of walking, a long trip to the grocery store, a textile haven or flower garden. It could also mean a spontaneous trip with friends, family with plenty of music! And oh, an intimate conversation! That is basically what is inside my happiness kit.
So this has now turned into a talk about happiness. Oh gee.. Told you I would just be rambling and babbling. But hey, self-love and happiness are strongly correlated. If we love ourselves, happiness immediately follows. Loving me means knowing me, accepting me, valuing me, then nurturing me. I hear so much about if you cannot get love from other people, give it to you. And that no one can complete the love in you because you have the responsibility to love yourself fully so you will not just go about begging for it. When I find that true, I also feel like only the most self-aware people can achieve that such as the monks, the nuns, the religious, the spiritual. And all the rest of us need a little help from the outside. We love ourself more if there are people who make us feel loved. Or is that just me?
I have embraced my flaws because there are people who see my flaws as something adorable. I do not seek validations from a lot of people because I receive enough from those whom I want the validations to come from. The love-help, as I call it, can even only come from one. I have discovered my strengths and developed them because there is someone who believed in me. I am working on my dreams because there is someone who is dreaming with me... And all that jazz! You get the point. :)
Self-love is beautiful and so is love-help. Love-help boosts self-love and vice-versa. If you can have both, that is wonderful! If for now you only have one, nurture the other.
May your life be filled with love, friends.
P.S. You ask what is the greatest love of all then? It is Love of God, no doubt. That is the greatest love-help we can get, too. All other forms of love spring from it. :)
I wanna start with these photos (of old photos) of the little me and my family. I believe that love is nurtured at home and I am glad my parents did not come short of making their children feel important, validated and loved.
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| Cannot edit out the pen scratches :) |
We grew up being validated by our parents. My father would always tell us we were bright and beautiful and handsome and that we got it from him. Ha! I see how he does the same to his grandchildren now. As the years unfolded, I discovered that not everything he told us we were were true. For instance, he would always say I had a nice singing voice because I got it from him. I believed him for so long and felt confident that I could sing because he could really sing well. That was until my sister recorded my voice on a cassette tape (90's kids alert). When I heard my voice, wow! I was amazed of how tone-deaf I was! In my ears I was singing in tune but really, I could not hit a single note. This is why you cannot see me doing karaoke, ha! His validations, although some are false, gave me confidence, value, and self-worth. But I highly discourage false validations. It might be harmful for others ('ears).
As to my mother, she never missed a school performance. In school, I was always asked to dance, orate, join quiz bees (but never sing) and I always looked for her face from the stage. I did not understand how important it was to me then but I do now. We were never verbal about our love for each other growing up. It is only recently that we can actually say "I love you" to our parents but I have always felt loved. My mother said I was a difficult child but I felt I was transformed by the holy spirit through her prayers.
I feel that self-love springs from the love-seed planted by our parents in our young hearts and minds. Notice how some people seek strangers' validations and attention. This has become an issue in this world of social media. It seems that what others (strangers at that) say about us are deemed as more important than our family members and friends' opinions. I think this issue is big enough I feel I am not in the position to elaborate.
Teenage years to late 20's were particularly difficult for me. Although I get enough love from home, science says that it is during these years that we tend to value the opinions of our peers. I questioned so many things about myself, my body. Self-acceptance became a struggle. Why am I too short, too thin, too pimply? Why am I not like her? Why don't I have this or that? It is so true what they say, "It all gets better." And that is exactly what I will tell my younger self. I have come to terms with myself a few years back and I have loved my body since, in all its greatness and flaws. I know I should not be using the word great to describe my tiny body but hey, just let me :) I am also grateful to not have mean friends during those sensitive years. I was surrounded by friends who were very accepting of my complicated personality.
In the years of meeting, listening, and talking to people, I have come to realize that each one of us wants to be loved or be validated at least. Everyone desires attention, validation, love. If we cannot get love from our parents and immediate family members, let us surround ourselves with friends who celebrate us. I have very few friends. I have not gained a single one in the past 5 years, I guess. I am tempted to think I have a personality disorder because again the world says we should have friends here and there. Well, I am not made for the socializing world. It seriously exhausts me, ha! I think I am beginning to sound like a boring and unhappy person now. Boring, as to the rest of the world's standards, yes I am. Unhappy, definitely not. Happiness, just like beauty, has a subjective meaning. And mine means solitude with pens and a journal, a quiet place to read a book, a new place to explore with lots of walking, a long trip to the grocery store, a textile haven or flower garden. It could also mean a spontaneous trip with friends, family with plenty of music! And oh, an intimate conversation! That is basically what is inside my happiness kit.
So this has now turned into a talk about happiness. Oh gee.. Told you I would just be rambling and babbling. But hey, self-love and happiness are strongly correlated. If we love ourselves, happiness immediately follows. Loving me means knowing me, accepting me, valuing me, then nurturing me. I hear so much about if you cannot get love from other people, give it to you. And that no one can complete the love in you because you have the responsibility to love yourself fully so you will not just go about begging for it. When I find that true, I also feel like only the most self-aware people can achieve that such as the monks, the nuns, the religious, the spiritual. And all the rest of us need a little help from the outside. We love ourself more if there are people who make us feel loved. Or is that just me?
I have embraced my flaws because there are people who see my flaws as something adorable. I do not seek validations from a lot of people because I receive enough from those whom I want the validations to come from. The love-help, as I call it, can even only come from one. I have discovered my strengths and developed them because there is someone who believed in me. I am working on my dreams because there is someone who is dreaming with me... And all that jazz! You get the point. :)
Self-love is beautiful and so is love-help. Love-help boosts self-love and vice-versa. If you can have both, that is wonderful! If for now you only have one, nurture the other.
May your life be filled with love, friends.
P.S. You ask what is the greatest love of all then? It is Love of God, no doubt. That is the greatest love-help we can get, too. All other forms of love spring from it. :)
