I Never Saw It Coming

I love retreats! I love the moments of silence even in the presence of many people. The retreat mode inspires me to reconnect with my inner being. I love the reflections the most because I discover lots about myself.

On the Single's Discovery Weekend Retreat last week, we were able to discover our 5 P's - Our PURPOSE, PASSION, PAINS, PLEASURE, AND POWER. I loved that weekend. (More on my discoveries next time).

On the early beautiful morning of the second day, the retreat master gave us a quarter of a catolina, crayons, and an instruction to draw a picture of our lives 5 years from now. I've done this vision of my future few days back. In fact, I've shared my dreams in this blog (pls see: In My Perfect Life). And so, I've finished drawing and coloring in a snap.



I'm not an artist here. But I'm so proud of what I've done because it was heartily made and it speaks the whole of who I want to become and what I want to do and have.

Here it is folks! I need a drum roll here please...



I know what you're thinking. Yeah! Don't mention it. Thank you so much for the generous comments :)

This is truly special in my eyes. It wasn't about the drawing. It was about the state of my heart when I drew it. I was at the point in my life that I was so sure of who I want to become and thus, I poured all my heart and all that I was that moment. It was a perfect picture of my life 5 years from now.



I was so spirit-filled and excited when I shared my vision and I was happy with how my friends responded. They thought I've vividly described my future. And everyone else there had fair share of presenting their visions. Everyone felt delighted about the activity.

The retreat master even had a recap of each of our dreams. She was holding our drawings in her hand..... when she suddenly TORE our dreams, MY DREAMS apart! How devastated I was! I saw her even crumpling my dreams. I found my heart being torn and crumpled as well. I never saw that coming. I never thought my dreams will be shattered. I never imagined a small possibility of not living my vision. I've always held my dreams close to my heart and cherished a big hope that one day, these things will come true... because I'm working on it... because all that I'm doing now are heading to it. How will these dreams not come true?



It was then that I started shedding tears... The reality struck me. WHAT IF? What if, all of what I've imagined won't get real? What if everything will remain dreams? What if there will be many hindrances? What if things will not go the way I want them to? What if there will be people or situations which won't allow me to go this and that path? Woooooaaahhh!

And then, I snapped out. Yes, there will be hindrances. But I'm willing to pursue. Yes, there is a possibility that some of the things won't come. But I'm sure majority of those things will and if not, better things will. And yes, things may not go the way I want them to. But I'm a flexible person. I can accept the things I can't change but I'm determined to change the things that I can.

I've never been this hopeful in my life and noone can take away that vision of a very wonderful future in my heart.

God promises a wonderful future for His princess.. :) To my King be all the glory!

My Struggle: Singaw (Mouth Sore or Canker Sore)

Since I got my braces this had always been my struggle. It's just so painful. Whew!

From what I've read:

"The exact cause of many aphthous ulcers is unknown. Factors that provoke them include stress, fatigue, illness, injury from accidental biting, hormonal changes, menstruation, sudden weight loss, food allergies, the foaming agent in toothpaste (SLS-Sodium Lauryl sulfate), and deficiencies in vitamin B12,iron and folic acid." - wikipedia

Mine are I guess were often caused by accidental biting and contacts with my braces. This would cause me to eat less and eventually, to lose weight. I can't eat well :(

At first, mouth sores were just tolerable. I just gargle salt solution. It somehow relieves a bit of the pain but as my mouth dries again after talking (especially during lectures), I struggle again. My dentist says, it's just normal for my present state. It's a consequence of having these braces. I forgot the medicine that she told me whenever I'd have one. And so, I went straight to the pharmacy and the pharmacist recommended this Dequadin . It says it's an oral paint and its generic name is Dequalinium chloride. The label says it's for the treatment of mouth and throat infections. And so I bought it. True enough, it soothes my pains. It wasn't much of a struggle anymore. But I noticed it didn't really cure the sores. It only relieved me of my pains. (Omg! Was it only a pain reliever?)

I still kept using it everytime I got sores for about 2 months. But there was a time when I had this big canker sore outside my lower lip. It wasn't that painful because it was exposed to the air and it didn't touch my braces. And so, it was just ok. Not until, it looked odd already. I had this some sort of a rice grain on my lip always.

And then, I tried TAWAS.



It was highly recommended by a friend but I chose to listen to the pharmacist (which maybe had not experienced having one) over my friend (who confessed to have used it everytime he had one). I tried his advice one night and surprise! When I woke the next morning, the pain was gone and the "rice grain" almost faded.

I don't know what a tawas has but thanks to it! I'm now so armed against mouth sores! :)

Thank U Ma'am

I had this low confidence on my performance this semester as a teacher, especially in my algebra class. I just knew in myself that I wasn't at my best. I realized this almost at the end of the sem already.

I tried to regain my strength and enthusiasm to change the atmosphere in my classroom. And at the time that I thought it was too late, I got this note from an anonymous student. He/she submitted this together with the last quiz I gave them. And it surprised me :)



Life's little surprises like this, makes me feel special. At times when i feel I'm not doing well, it feels good to still be noticed and appreciated, especially by someone I least expect. This goes to show that I could be more appreciated when I'm at my best.

This is also one of the reasons why I love teaching. Teachers get more than what they work for. More than money, we get love and appreciation. :)

Teacher's Dilemma

The school year is about to end and my heart is rejoicing! Finally, it's break time! Yeah, that's what I'm excited about but I'm going to teach this summer,though. It'll be my first summer career in MSU. :) But I'll have two weeks break still. Anyways, what I don't want about the end of the year is the giving of grades. I now can handle the "burden" of failing a student. The first time was really tough. I'm thinking of their parents. I know how hard parents work to send their children to school and it would be painful for them to accept their children's failures. I've seen how my mother was disappointed when my brother failed in one of his majors which meant another year in school for him. I've been considering that for so long up until I realized that it was a wrong point of view.

I should be more concerned with the student's future. If I'll pass him, the next one would be much harder. So I talk to students before failing them and offering another consideration of shifting to another course. But if they really are decided to continue, I just tell them to study harder and have a disciplined study habits. This gesture is applicable for fresh students in the university. But what about those who are about to graduate? This is the hardest part for me.

I give removal exams only for graduating students to give them reasonable chances to wear their togas and march along. After all, apart from the standards of my profession, it still is important to give humane considerations. So I give ample of time for them to be prepared. But there really are students who can't pass. It pains me. How have they neglected one subject which would delay their life's pattern? It's hard seeing them walking out of the office with their heads so bowed and shoulders so sagged. It's as if I've done something to make their next months miserable. How their parents must have been so disappointed.

If only I could make all things possible with my own hands..

In My Perfect Life

It's two weeks before my birthday. Every year, I have this evaluation and reflection of my life... and visualization of my new year ahead. I haven't started with my evaluation yet but I've found very interesting questions that I would like to take time to reflect on.

I've got these questions from Ate My's blog which she also got from Paul Myers' ebook "Achieve Your Goals" @ esnips.com.

Few of the questions were:

In your perfect life:

-where would you live?
-what kind of people would you like to spend time with?
-how would you spend your time, if you could be doing anything you wanted?
-what would you eat? wear? have?
-would you work? If so, what would you do? If not, what would you do?
-what do you want to learn? to know? to be?
-where would you like to take a vacation? What would you do?


And here are my answers :)

- I still don't have a particular place in mind but I would always dream of having a house at somewhere rural where fresh air and green fields and blue skies are everywhere. It would be some kinda rest house where i could go to during weekends because I still want to work in a city proper. Thus, I want to have two houses :)
- I will be spending so much time with my parents and siblings. During weekends, we'll have lunch together with our own families. I want my children to see my parents often. I'll have regular chit-chats with my lifetime girlfriends about life, family, and business.
- I'm a woman who wants to do so much. So in my perfect life, I would be working as a teacher, a statistician for graduate studies and even at a corporate world (that's just once in a while and when my kids are already in school), having a bakeshop or a restaurant. And when at home, I'll be having a vegetable garden, I'll be a hands-on wife and mom even up to preparing my husband's and kids' baon. I'll be sewing my curtains, bedsheets and pillowcases. :)
- I'm not so much of a meat eater. And I hope in few years, I can eliminate meat and just be a fan of fishes and veggies. I would want to design and sew my own clothes. I want to have my own car so I can go anywhere and take my loved ones for joyrides. (This one is a secret revealed: My wildest dream is to own a resort here in General Santos City. One that would be a family sanctuary.)
- I still want to work. I still want to teach part time. I really want to manage a resort. It seems to be a very fulfilling job, developing a beautiful place for people's memorable moments.
- I want to enhance my cooking skills. I've enrolled in cooking lessons before and I want more! I want to know more about managing a household because I want to be a loving wife and mother of 2 kids.
- I want me and my husband-to-be to travel often. And when we'll have our two kids, we'll take vacations twice a year. Visits to my mother's hometown in Capiz and visits to my in-laws, as well because it's always fulfilling to reconnect with my roots. We'll go to different places everytime and try every adventure. :)


These are my visions of my future. And I can't wait to live my perfect life! :)

Sing Your Heart Out

I so love singing. I don't have that golden voice but friends and family know that I love to sing :)


My most favorite singing moment is during shower. At home, I usually bring my phone with me and join with the MP3's so I can also dance with the music. When in the shower at BQ (Bachelors' Quarter) in school, Ate My and I often sing our hearts' out. It's one of our wonderful moments together. We sing songs which are in theme with our moods or hearts' status.

Singing is one of my stress-relievers. The notes, even how beautiful they are, are not so friendly with me though. My sister would say, I just couldn't hit one. :)



But I've accepted that painful fact already. What's important is, I'm happy singing. I pity those whose ears are on me. :) Uhmmmm.. Please be patient with me. :)

What's a good fact is that recent studies reveal that just ten to twenty minutes of singing - whether you are in the car, the shower or anywhere else - has numerous health benefits, including:

- Lowering levels of the stress hormone
- Causing increased release of endorphins, those feel good brain chemicals
- Slowing and regulating breathing and heart rate
- Reducing perceived pain

I never realized I've been doing so much good for my body just by singing. I'm not only happy. I'm also healthy!


Sing your heart out!!!

Letting Go: It's A Start

I've always been dreaming of having a tidy office table. Uhmmm.. Yeah. Sounds weird. Maybe you'd raise a brow on me and say, "That's supposed to be a must and not a dream." :) And yes, I know.

I'm the type of person who can work not minding my workplace... which could be good at times because I get to remain focused even under the piles of paperworks around me. These are papers which I can't let go of. Grades, quizzes, handouts of previous semesters and even years. Letting go's and goodbyes are the hardest things for me. And these, too apply to my papers.

When I was about to look for something, I had to dig under mountains of papers and books. And several minutes are wasted because I had to take one pile to the other or take out some things from my drawer and bring them back in again. Good if I find that something but on several occasions, I just give up. Haaayyyy..


And then on a very lovely mood one beautiful morning, when I found myself looking for something to do, I finally decided to let go of everything I'm not supposed to keep. :) Letting go's aren't that sad after all.

And now, I have more organized workplace and a more organized and peaceful me. :)

Let me give you a look on the fruit of my labor :)

This is my table in the faculty room. I have my books and notebooks arranged on the filer at the right side. I have few kikay things on the same side. I have my mirror, my snowglobes, my pen holders. I have the collection of my godchildren's pictures under the glass, as well.

All the papers were gone. Yey! And I'm feeling all good! :) It's a Start.

All the stuff on my table are gifts.



I love snowglobes. Aside from spaghetti, quiet moment with a snowglobe would "de-stress" me. The one at the left was given by Ate My from Yokohama. At the right was from Ate Doli. She gave me that when we both celebrated our 2nd year in MSU. And the biggest one was from Drew. The clear view of the figures inside the globe gives me tranquility.



This one was a giveaway from my godchild Zach's Christening. This inspires me to smile and stay happy.



Marich, my household member, gave this as a Christmas present last December.




And this one is my favorite. It's from my Ate. Her officemates gave this to her on her birthday. But she knew I loved happy piggy stuff so she gave it to me.


I love starting something new! :)

what's in a name

Isn't it so common at one point or two in our elementary or secondary years, when we were asked to write an essay of where our names came from? Wheeew! Maybe most of u, if not all have beautiful and exciting stories of your names. My friends would have a name which is a combination of their parents'. One's name started with letter C because she was the third child and C is the third letter of the alphabet. One was named after the month they were born or after a favorite actor of his mother and many other stories. My classmates then would have several paragraphs with many sentences in a paragraph (Teachers would encourage lots of sentences those days. And as much as possible, both sides of the paper would be consumed.)

And there went my anxiety :( My name doesn't have any story. I've asked my mother about this a thousand times. Only she could mention, "Oh, I've read that name somewhere else." Oh mama... Hadn't she anticipated that essays on "How did you get your name?" will be asked of me in the future? :) But I got over that "pity-me-i-dont-have-a-name's-story thing" already. I just can't remember what I've written. Maybe I just made up something just to fill my paper. :)

My real name is Emmylou. And that's it. I can tell nothing more about it. :) Funny huh. Yeah! It's fun telling that now.



Memouly is my self-made name when i was in second year high school. It contains the same letters as my real name and I jumbled them up. And there it goes... I have another beautiful name. I use it as my pen name. I just love the sound of it and the creative ways of writing my favorite letter M.



Some things which are not in place can be beautiful.

Lipstick

I'm not really fond of make-ups. I don't have a full packed make-up kit. I only bring lip gloss, lip balm and sometimes, lipstick. But most often, I only secure my lip balm. And I only put on make-ups during special occasions and have my friends or my Aunt apply them on me. I know definitely NOTHING about it but up until recently I felt the desire to enhance my beauty. :) I guess it'll be so exciting to look at the mirror once in a while and have a different look of me.



And so, just this weekend, I got hold of an Avon lipstick! Yey! It's not my first though it's one that I'm so excited about. :) I just don't understand the rush of blood about making myself better.

I got these short tips for a beginner: For longer-lasting color, apply over a base of lip pencil. Colors may be layered for custom effects. For extra moisture and shine, top with a coat of lip gloss, concentrating on the center of your lips

I'll buy the lip pencil yet. :)

And next up, I'll learn the art of having beautiful eyes. :)

Farm Adventure on a Weekend

Last weekend, we went to my Uncle's wake at Bagumbayan, Sultan Kudarat. My father's brother was such a cheerful man. There were lots of laughters in his house last weekend because according to his wife and four daughters, he would talk about not having sad people on his wake. I personally felt a joyous atmosphere. And actually found some things to be grateful for and be amazed about.

On our way to Bagumbayan, we passed by beautiful places. God's creation is just splendid. Some of the pictures were accidentally deleted by my cousin but glad to still have kept a few.



The mountains seem so near. I've never been on a place where mountains are this close to me. One day, I will be on top of one of those..




So glad to see very green fields despite El Nino..




And this was my favorite view. Carabaos taking their bath. :) I remember that when I was still so much younger, the only way to get to my grandmother's house was on a Caro- a wooden cart pulled by a carabao. So glad that they now have concrete roads but i miss these carabaos. :)


We've also passed by the beautiful Capitol of Sultan Kudarat in Isulan.

My Source of Joy

My two little cousins, Revson (5) and Heart(4) are darlings in the family. They're children of my mother's first cousin Auntie Lanie which make them my second cousins. They live about 10-minute ride from our home and thus, often visit us. I got this adoration for children from my mother who loves being with children. She doesn't seem to get tired taking care of them. I have two nieces Chin-chin and Ashley, daughters of my eldest sister. But we seldom get to see them for one is in Capiz and the other one is in Tarlac.


I've started teaching Revson nursery rhymes when he was 3. And he was such a fast learner. He loves watching instructional materials too which makes me more inclined to him because apart from teaching math, i so love teaching ABC's and 123's. Sometimes, i would think of being a preschool teacher instead. :)

Later on Heart joined my little lessons/playtime to his brother at home. She wasn't as interested as Revson at first but as she started going to school, she became more attentive.

Heart is also my goddaughter. She was born on a Valentine's day so we call her Heart. The picture above was during her 4th birthday in Maharlika where I also spent my 2010 Valentine's day.