Family Outing in Gumasa

The first time I was away from home for so long (four months) was during the first semester of my PhD. And I remember it to be the worst feeling ever! The whole PhD idea was supposed to be an ideal and normal course for someone in academe. However, it was just an option for me. I did not have a dream that big for my career. But when time and situation called for it, I took the leap of faith and jumped right on. Needless to say, I was not prepared. I mean no one can really be prepared for something but it was such a roller coaster ride for me. The first few weeks I was at the bravest and weakest me.

Missing home was the worst part. I was already 30 years old at that time but no one can never be too old for a mother's hug and a breakfast and dinner prepared by a father. I was not used to be in a strange land surrounded by strangers for a long time. I can only imagine how harder it is for our overseas Filipino workers. Comparing yourself to others is sometimes a good thing, you see. It makes you grateful for what you have. It does get better!

When I went home after that first semester, the family went out for a beach trip in Gumasa, the Little Boracay of Sarangani Province. Looking at these photos makes me grateful for the family I have and all I have ever desired is a life of good health, happiness, contentment, and fulfillment for all of them. 

May you cherish your family, friends.

Light Bulb Moment

Hey you all! That is, if my past readers are still here. It's been more than 2 years! I hope you are doing very well wherever you are. And to my new readers, hi. Thank you for bumping into my tiny side of the world. Just a quick life update. I am still a student finishing my dissertation for PhD in Math degree. Oh, these years of studying got me into a lot of experiences that I am gonna save to share the next time. 

What really got me to drag myself signing in to blogger again, after all these years, is this very important and very short youtube video. So please take time to watch. 

I want to write down the points that lead the woman (from the audience) to a light bulb moment. 

Woman: I think I am trying to be loyal to the fact that I came from poverty. 

Oprah: What she has is a belief system that says I cannot really accept the abundance that is offered to me or that is available to me because I believe I have to remain loyal to my poverty.

Woman: People that I knew that had a lot of money, that was their identity. And I do not want to build an identity around money.

Oprah: The whole idea of having wealth is not letting wealth use you but you use it. The more money you get, it does not really change you unless you are the kind of person who is defined by money.

Guest: There is a difference between wealth and materialism, and many people confuse the two.

Aha!!! Did you just have the same light bulb moment as that woman? This idea of difference between wealth and materialism is now what I firmly believe in. But it took me some time and tons of readings to convince my thoughts that hey, it's ok to dream of being wealthy. It is ok to have lots of money. Cringe. Yeah I know, right?! Because money is such a sensitive and controversial topic of conversation on this side of the world. 

We, majority of us, do not talk about money on dinner tables with our family. Or maybe we do but it is mostly about our salary and how we get by the next days or weeks with all the utility bills, food, loans, education and other expenses we have to deal with. How we help to send our younger siblings to college, how we help our parents with the medication maintenance and their everyday needs during their retirement. But never about educating ourselves about finances! Yes, I am talking about financial literacy here. I do not mean only stocks, bonds, mutual funds but also budgeting, saving, proper investing. And we cannot start this conversation properly if we cannot recognize that there is a difference between being wealthy (and using that money to better ourselves, the people around us, and the community as a whole) and being materialistic (ending up being mean, greedy and proud). A thing is neither good nor bad. It is your action towards it that determines its worth.

So, it is okay to have money! Even lots of it! I hope this video has the same effect on you, too.

It does not stop on that recognition of being worthy of the possible abundance we can acquire but it is a big start!

May you have a wealth of thoughts, friends.

Currently Vol. 8

I am only on my 8th post for this Currently series. Haha. Well, 8 is my second favorite number because to me it signifies infinity. It is that idea of something with no end, limitless. I like that. I like being limitless. Don't you? :)

Here is today's currently...

READING

Real Analysis (4th Ed.) by Royden and Fitzpatrick, my current favorite read. This is my life now and I am embracing it. But minutes ago, I was reading the celebrity page on Yahoo. 

WRITING

Oh, just some paper I had to pass 7 days from now. Student life! :)

LISTENING

To my mind screaming for a getaway. Summers used to mean beaches, sunglasses, flip-flops, and exploring new places. Academic calendar shift turned all those into libraries, headphones, sneakers, and meeting deadlines. So here's to daydreaming.

THINKING
About the future. The very near yet so far future. 

FEELING

Unwell, frustrated, irritated but hopeful and positive. One minute I feel happy, the next minute, I want to throw all the things on my table outside the window. Kidding. This must be PMS or the weather.

LOVING

The pretty little flowery things outside the library. Any shade of this hue, I like. This is the color of my bedroom which I planned to change because I have a new favorite color but my father repainted the walls with that same color. Well, fathers sometimes do not know best.

WANTING
To go change my surname already. Ooppss! The thought came too fast and, for the first time, my fingers are in synchrony with my confused thoughts. Ok, snapping out now. 

NEEDING

To take five, with four being quick, baths everday lately because of extreme summer heat. I hope everyone keeps hydrated to avoid serious troubles.

WISHING
I could fly back to Gensan right now to join the family for dinner. It's my youngest brother's birthday today. Four of the five children in the family are April babies, all Aries. Go figure it out. :)

May you create tons of summer memories, friends!

People of My Year 2015

What a year, I must say! There was a lot of breakthroughs - solo trips, leaving my job of 8 years, studying again, living away from the family for the first time ever, embracing the unknown, taking uncalculated risks, starting all over again. Basically, being that tiny David facing some of my Goliaths.

When making life-changing decisions, I'm learning tons of things. One is that I am bigger (not literal) than my fears. Second, I can do the things I tell myself I can, and lastly, relationships are the most important treasure in this life. Relationship to yourself, to your Creator, and to the people in your life (old and new). 

And so I am starting this new series inspired by an admirable blogger, Bianca Gonzales-Intal, honoring the people who have been a significant part of my year. 

1. Pugad Baboy Family

Not only because my first adventure of the year was with them but because they are friends from we were thirteen until now that we are thirty. It always feels home when I am with them. I will always be grateful to be part of this group of wierdos and crazies.

2. Healthy Babies

My dear HB, oh how much I love you! This year, we started this chatroom in FB. Well, we have a secret FB group for years but I feel that it is only this year that we've started communicating more often. We find comfort and strength from each other even only through messages. You girls are rocks I can lean on to.

3. Champoy and Melai

I am inspired by these two. Their passion, dedication, and dreams make me alive. They say surround yourself with dreamers and  I feel that every cell of my body jumps in hope and gratefulness for this life when I am with them. They make me dream even higher but at the same time, grateful for what is at hand. 

4. MSU Travelbugs

The past 8 years of my life were filled with memories of these people. We have been everywhere. We traveled, worked, succeeded, failed, laughed, cried, ate, got drunk, sang, danced, slept and grew together the past years. We have witnessed each other's life's events from the simplest to grand ones. They were the first ones to tell me to follow my dreams. I loved working and travelling with you, travel bugs! I am looking forward to more grand life events with you!

5. Ate My and Derek

Their love story makes me believe in true love. For someone who has seen Ate My's journey, it seems so magical how she finds her one true love in Derek. And it feels so good to have witnessed the happiness that these two people bring in each other. I was smiling the whole time I was around them. And my heart was in deep gratitude to the Lord for bringing them two together. It was an honor to be your maid of honor on your church wedding in the Philippines. I will always celebrate your love with you. 

6. Father Bienvenido F. Nebres, S.J.

I have read and admired his C.V. even before I started studying in ADMU. Never in my wildest dreams have I thought of taking a class of a national scientist. What an honor! I have high respect for his love and passion for his every endeavor. He has so many feathers in his hat, I cannot seem to fathom how he manages all those.

7. Dr. Edna Oconer

She's one intelligent, strong, and graceful human being. I was blessed by her trust in me and my capabilities. She did not know me that much but she still believed in me. How wonderful and risky is that at the same time? To give some "stranger" a task and believe that he or she can do it is a trait I think only true leaders have. MSU must be so thankful to have you, Ms. O. I salute you, your works, and your leadership. I hope to be working with you again in the future!

8. Classmates 

What a crazy roller coaster ride it has been with these new people in my life. Wouldn't have made it through the last four months without you. To more sleepless nights, problem sets, and exams in the coming year! "Good luck guys. I love you all!" :)

9. MSU friends

They are my second family for the past eight years and they are always missed! It is hard to let go and move on from something so happy and beautiful. There goes my poor EQ. What a wonderful time it was with you, friends!

10. Family

"You will never know the value of something until it's gone." It was my first time to be living away from the family. Actually, I tried living two years away from them but it was only like 15 kms away and I could go home anytime I wanted. Thus, being hundreds of kilometers and thousands of islands away from them was a whole new idea for me and it was not easy. I got so home sick, I was calling, texting, and skyping everytime. And then it struck me that when everyone else is gone, is fighting their own battle, the only ones who will be there for you will be your family.  And there are also those friends who are like family. I value them now more than ever. They have become all my reasons.

As the year comes to an end, I get sentimental. I always do! I also feel this a day before my birthday. There is something about ending a chapter of life and starting anew that gives my throat a lump and then a smile to my heart.

Thank you my God for a year of courage and love! Hello 2016!

Be Careful On What You Tell Yourself

A short random reminder to my dear self at the crack of dawn... because I was not too nice lately. My love language is words of affirmation. I have been blessed with people who know how to love me but I should not forget giving me that way of loving, too.  :)

Today is a holiday! What are you up to, friends? I hope you give yourself some well-deserved love from you. :)

God is good!

Currently Vol. 7

And so I took that leap of faith. It seemed like I was completely out of my mind, to leave everything including my job but I've never felt so sure about myself. A month after, I am starting to question myself. Crazy times!

READING

Topology by James R. Munkres. Because I need to and I am starting to love it. I am hoping it'll love me back. The. Soonest. Time. Possible.

WRITING

Answers to problem sets which I wish was as easy as writing ABC.

LISTENING

To my mind screaming for rest. And to my heart because the past days are difficult. This is harder than I thought it would be. #thestruggleisreal #gradschoolblues

THINKING
About not being too hard on myself. And how to pass all my subjects. Gosh!

FEELING

Every need for a whole body massage but I do not deserve it yet. Not yet. I am currently scared but hopeful. So so hopeful.

LOVING

Everything that is happening in my life right now except the sleepless nights and the mental blocks. I sometimes forget to be grateful for this dream that came true especially when not so good thoughts creep in but I need to remind myself that I asked and prayed hard for this. 

WANTING
To eat pasta! My ultimate comfort food.

NEEDING

To absorb all my readings, to manage time properly, to not forget to smile every hour, every minute if possible.

WISHING
For a super sponge mind.

Friends, I am currently taking up Doctor of Philosophy in Mathematics at Ateneo de Manila University. I want to document this time of my life because whatever happens, I want to look back at these moments someday.

Currently Vol. 6

After three months, here is my next entry for the Currently Series. I maybe just have to accept that I'll never be an up-to-date kind of blogger. To those of you who are still sticking around after this on and off relationship with my blog, cheers! :) 

I am unusually up at this time and have no desire of getting into bed anytime soon so might as well record my thoughts and feelings. Here's tonight's currently.

READING

The Longest Ride by Nicholas Sparks. Been reading this on random days for weeks now. I got a little less interested after watching the movie but still wanted to finish to discover the differences between the movie and the book. The movie was kinda predictable and less romantic compared with other movie adaptations of Sparks' novels. The Notebook is still my favorite. Next would have to be a tie between Nights in Rodanthe and Safe Haven. I don't like tragic endings. They break my heart but there is something so special about how Nights in Rodanthe broke my heart. I mean, the story just had to end that way. Although it was painful, it was a good kind of pain. 

via Google Images

WRITING

Several letters of requests lately. And in my mind, I am also writing letters for my heart, hushing it. Nothing else can comfort my heart but its bestfriend/best enemy.

LISTENING
To my calling because...

THINKING
Of so many things since the other day because I am about to face the most challenging chapter of my life. No, not the married life. Hehe. It's something more challenging I guess :)

FEELING

Tons of emotions. I feel like in Rapunzel's shoes after she finally jumped out of her comfort zone (the castle) - feeling accomplished at one point then really doubtful if she made the right decision after a second or two. But she finally gave it a go. Good thing for her was, she had somebody to jump out of the castle with even if it was just a stranger while I am about to jump from my castle alone! Please let these feelings end the soonest!!!

LOVING
The vision of the far future. The near future seems blurry, even dark and I am scared like a kitty cat but I am holding on to the promise of a wonderful far future. The greater the sacrifice, the greater the reward, as it is said.

WANTING
To skip this stage of adulthood because reasons. How does one unlove? Let go? Begin? (These verbs are applicable to jobs, persons, events, possibilities)

NEEDING
To release some of these heavy loads so I can travel light.

WISHING
That all will be well in the next months.

The best thing that I am learning these days is to hold on to the promises of God. There is no weapon and shield more powerful than prayer. And there is no better companion and confidant than God.

It is also true that you will just know how to get the bridge when you get there. And you may hear thousands of wise words but you'll only get to understand those which apply to you. "Follow your heart", they will tell you. Thus, befriend and know your heart well. Listen to it carefully. It does know how to lead you through.

All is well, friends! If not yet, then it will be!!!

My Current Thoughts In A Nutshell

Grabbed from the net

You know all those things you've always wanted to do?

A rewind to the day when I watched motocross for the first time and when I played as a fashion blogger (wanna-be). Is it just me or does anyone else here think that fashion blogging is the coolest thing on earth? Well, maybe next to hosting a travel show (which is by the way my wildest dream job because you get paid to travel the world!!!) 

It is no secret to my friends that I love hopping on fashion blogs and following the bloggers on instagram. There is something so magnetic and influential about them. They make all ensemble look awesome even just a white shirt, faded shorts and flip flops. Thus, I cannot help but imitate. That's how influential they are even to a manang like me. And I am always reminded by the quote that hangs on my wall: "You know all those things you've always wanted to do? You should go and do them." And so I did! :)

After this attempt I realized two things. 1) It is difficult to control a laugh. 2) It feels awkward to play candid. But of course I know these things aren't so hard for the naturals. So kudos to those wonderful bloggers I admire!

That Summer Afternoon in Manila

The rainy days have started on this side of the world and though I love watching, listening to and walking in the rain, the gloominess that it brings sometimes gets me down. Thus, I can not help but bring my mind back to that one lovely summer afternoon in Manila.

In that moment, reality was sweeter than the fictions I've been reading. Oh, sweet life!