Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Scared and Sad

"The more we know how we feel and ways to feel, release, be with, or let go of our feelings, the better we feel about ourselves." by Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist.

This statement says it all. The past days, I've been confronted by my inner self with a lot of emotions. New stones are being left on my path for me to step on or to avoid. I'm now facing situations where my ability to handle emotions gracefully is tested.

My officemate/friend Laiza has been approved of her scholarship in Cebu. Ate My is waiting for a call from a university in Davao that she applied in. Then I felt a pain inside. Why are people leaving me?

(Ate My and Laiza)

Letting go is one of the hardest, if not the hardest, thing for me to do. I just can't let other people go easily especially those who have been so attached to my heart. And these girls are all I have for the longest time that I've been working here. Though Laiza will be back for two years, that's still a long time. And though Davao is just 3 hours away from Gensan, that's still a big change. Ate My and I have been living under one roof for 2 years.

Everything would be so different without my two fabulous girl friends. We share almost everything about life. They're my closest friends now. The girl bonding moments are the best ways to stay alive and enthusiastic in this somewhat routinary world. KFC moments are always laughing and touching lives moments. In the coming days, it will just be me eating alone there. Whew! I'm again scared for that moment to come.

So what exactly am I feeling right now? I feel scared again. Scared of not going to be as happy as when they're just around. For now, that's it. I'll be taking this one step at a time again. I don't wanna preempt things. Let the emotions come as they will. I know I can handle them :) (I'm trying to be brave here. Please spare me some of that courage that you have.)

And I'm sad for I'll surely miss my girl friends!

I pray for Ate My at these moments. She really deserves this, Lord. I guess it's time that You please fulfill her heart's desire.




2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hayy...I'm missing you more as I read your posts Ems. At times I feel sad because I feel that I would never have friends as fabulous and as real as you. But at the same time, I am thankful because I got to have you.

I've been here for over a year now but I still haven't found true friends like you. Most of the time I am just burning my hours at work and during weekends, I go to places all by myself. People here are distant or maybe...I myself have grown distant or have put a wall around me. I don't know.. I'm not sure. It seems harder now to build a true and lasting friendship with anyone. Don't get me wrong. I'm doing good here. I'm having fun. But not the kind of fun that we used to have. Or maybe not the kind of friendship that we used to share... :( Missing you.

Ems Auj-Tam said...

Hey te! I read this post again and I'm glad I'm over all those sadness. Because Laiza is back after 2 years and I know you're doing great there. You're not even anymore in Davao. God has given you more than what you and I prayed for.

I miss you so much, too! But as Laiza said, there's no pain in missing you because she knows you're just there and the friendship remains, maybe even deepens.

Our friendship is truly special!!! I feel that you're just around the corner. I still can hear your laughs. I still can share with your joys.

I love you te!!!


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