Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Change Class



I was a little bit disappointed of the sudden change of the classes. I'm not anymore handling the College Bound Program. I've gone back to the "normal" classes this summer. I had my mind set already for that program. The teacher who was hired to really teach on those classes should, according to the Vice Chancellor of the Academic Affairs, not leave the program. She was supposed to have a summer rest because she was undergoing changes in her body due to old age. That was according to her. But she was given back my original schedule.

And so, I'm handling Statistics. I started already this morning. It was also fun. They were my cousin Titong's classmates. The good news on this was that, I only have work in the morning. So, I'll have the whole afternoon for my thesis work. :)

Time to work on it now.. Byeeee....

I have this mantra (just one of many all over my room) written on the wall beside my bed. It says:

I CAN DO IT! :)
I CAN FINISH MY THESIS! :)
I WILL FINISH MY THESIS! :)
I CAN SOLVE THE THEOREMS! :)

Aja Ems! :)


I placed lots of smiles on it so I'll be more encouraged to work. It's nice to be always reminded of the goals that I'm working on. :)

Monday, April 19, 2010

Unfocused


I've been doing things in this computer for almost 2 hours already. But I guess I haven't really accomplished one. Well, maybe except for blogging on this struggle that I have now.

I've checked my emails, read Bo Sanchez' blogpost of the week. I've searched for an open source software in mathematics that I'll be teaching next semester. I wanted to find an alternative of the computer algebra system Maxima that I was studying. I found the terminologies so technical when the subject just aims to teach the basics of inputting equations and generating results. I suppose the math students should not really be taught so much of the syntax and commands and all. It will be more of the applications.

As I was looking for other software, I was surprised of how wide the selections in the web were. Open source softwares were everywhere. And I don't know which one was the most established already - the one which will be very useful in the future. And so I decided to stick with what the recommended CD has.

Something got my interest along the way. I also wanted to download something like a "moviemaker", more advanced. But I also don't know which one is the best. And I don't wanna read tons of reviews just to discover one.

And now I end up frustrated of having accomplished nothing. But I need to get back to focus. Wheeww!!!!!

I'm getting back to work. :) Thanks for listening. :)

I just wish I'll be paid off by just blogging about my feelings. :) That would be the best job ever! I would so be willing to blog everything that I feel. :) (I wish)

Ok..... It's really time to work :)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Best Summer Afternoon


Just when I thought days would be so hard for me this summer.

It still is amazing to know that life gives fair surprises. :) I had my best summer afternoon so far.I only had the morning classes last friday because of conflicts on schedules. And so Ate My and I decided to treat ourselves with a choco hazelnut ice cream. But it was not available anymore after several minutes of hoping and expecting that we could eat that. She'd been dying to have that for weeks already. We just settled on the ice cream on the scooping station. She had her fave flavor durian. And I had the double dutch. We were somehow satisfied.

Just right beside the ice cream section was the massage section. I waited for her. I wasn't a fan of massages. I was busy with my new MP4 which I just had that same afternoon. I'm also not a techie. I don't know which gadget is better or the latest or the most sought after. I just felt I needed that MP4 for my audio books. I want to maximize my time. I still want to be doing something else during rides, washing my clothes, waiting for a friend, or even strolling, or before sleeping. And I also want to be soothed by nice music before going to sleep. :)

After her massage, I kinda got jealous. She kept on telling me how good it felt and how she was feeling better after. And for the first time ever, I got a back massage. :) And indeed, I felt so much better. As if my back was so light. I felt so light, too. :) I think I wanna have that as my constant reward.

The good life didn't just end there. We had a late afternoon snack at Cafe Spazio on the same mall. She had special spaghetti (Half of the pasta was of a red sauce and the other half was of a white sauce. That's how I figured it out why it was named special spag).



And I had the tuna pasta in cream sauce or the pasta tuna in cream sauce or the pasta in tuna cream sauce. Whatever the real name of that is. :)

And after, we attended a mass. It was just a perfect afternoon.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Summer Classes On



It's April 15 and the summer classes for College Bound Program should have started yesterday. I didn't know. I only knew late this morning. And so, I'll just start tomorrow. I'll have three classes - 9-10:30, 10:30-12, and 1-2:30. I've met with my two classes this afternoon on their tutorial time and gave few instructions for tomorrow.

This will be my first summer classes in MSU and I'm so excited. :) It's as if I'll be teaching for the first time :) It felt good being in the classroom again after less than a month. I don't know. The excitement is just so different this time. Maybe because I'll be teaching a special program.

College Bound Program (CBP) is for those cultural minority students who have not reached the passing score of Systems Admission and Scholarship Examination (SASE). They are given special classes on math, english, and values education. Students who will show satisfactory performance will be given the chance to enroll for 4-year courses the next semester.

I'm so happy to be part of this program. Students with strong determination to gain a bachelor's degree will definitely shine. This is a crucial point of their education. If they pass on this one, they have a brighter future waiting for them. If not, they'll just be I guess back in their provinces and start a new life outside school. Considering that most of these students are underprivileged, I swear to be doing my best to leave a significant impact on their lives and hope to their dreams.

I love being a teacher :)

"A Walk To Remember"



I had a long walk this afternoon which I don't usually do. It was raining a bit hard and the only transportation we have in school (for commuters) is a habal-habal (a motor bike). It would definitely get me wet. Thus I decided to take a long walk. And after all, I enjoy being in the rain (with my umbrella on). I feel like being in a music video :)

I'm passing the same way everyday but I'm sometimes in a rush that I neglect to notice how beautiful my world is. I looked at my surroundings and savored every moment of it. The trees seemed to be greener. Their leaves seemed to be dancing more gracefully. The flowers seemed to be more colorful. The skies seemed to be more vast, the field more attractive. The rain drops seemed to sound happier. The drizzles touched my face even gentler. It was a perfect rainy afternoon.

I was humming with the sound of the wind. And to my surprise, I suddenly felt sad. I dug the answer from the deepest deep of my heart and I found none. I continued walking and questioning. I found myself almost crying with the skies. Then I understood.

On that beautiful moment, I found myself longing for that deepest desire of my heart.

One Fun Afternoon

I had a very exciting day yesterday. I finished typing parts of my thesis in the morning and it felt good to have done something about it. Next step, read my Abstract Algebra textbook to review the basic concepts needed for proving.

The day before, Ate My and Laiza (my colleagues/close friends) planned to play badminton and so I decided to go with them. I didn't wanna play. I just wanted to watch and bring that book with me so I'll have a new environment and a different aura. :) I had a healthy lunch - rice, fish stew, and a very delicious ripe mango. And so the afternoon came.

Sir Nathan, one of our colleagues, too and a bowling coach in school also decided to spend the afternoon with us. And guess what, the plan changed. Since he doesn't play badminton, he suggested to go bowling. And the two girls were so game! Uhmmm... Did they actually say bowling? The last time I bowled was uhmmmm...3 years ago? But without a second thought, bowling indeed. After all, I would not be playing. I would just be watching.

Bowling came right after Sir Nathan treated us on Cafe Amoree. They have delicious choco and coffee drinks and frappes. I just drink the ones with strange names. :) I wanna try every frappe. Yesterday I ordered Iced Dutch Choco.. Uhmm.. I forgot the exact name. But I'm sure it has Dutch.



Anyway, when we were there, people seemed to have so much fun. I'm sure I had fun too 3 years ago. Then I returned my Abstract Algebra in my bag and told myself, I was going to have fun. And so I did. I was not a good player. But Sir Nathan said, not bad for a beginner. :) I wanna play more the next time because I wanna master the art of throwing that ball and take all those pins down. I found myself so eager to just throw and throw the ball and make those standing pins disappear from my eyes. :) I super enjoyed bowling.

We ate dinner after at Chicken Ati-atihan. I had delicious hot shrimp sinigang and chicken Ati-atihan. I guess it was just the same with chicken inasal - the grilled marinated chicken.



After, I had my haircut and hotoil. It was so refreshing. I love it when I have something new. I wasn't so satisfied with the service, though. But I took in consideration the emotional state of that attendant because prior to my haircut, I heard his aunt texted informing him that his father was admitted in the hospital.

Anyways, the last part of my day was the service meeting of Singles for Christ. I was so late that I had a grand entrance and everyone was teasing me about going to that parlor and have my hair done on an unusual time in the evening. (I had it at 8pm and was done past 9). When I arrived, they were about to end. But I knew my presence wasn't much of an importance on that meeting. And I had Ate My to take notes of my tasks.

My yesterday has been one of the best days ever! :)

To my Father be all the glory! (Thank You my King for making Your princess beautiful and free!)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

What's Up For Summer?


People are going completely absorbed by summer. In the television especially. Every TV show is themed summer. People are planning vacations, finding new hobbies, learning new sport, and enjoying the luxury of rest. Some would buy tons of dvd's and lock up in their room and watch movies all day. Some would sleep all day and eat non-stop. It's kinda a weight-gain program. The newly grads are looking for a job.

I love summers! :) It's one special time of the year that I get to do the above mentioned. I had vacations on my past summers. I enrolled in a cooking school. I once was crazy over finding a job. I tried that all day movie watching and all day sleeping and eating. Uhmm... Maybe except for that learning a sport. I'm trying to scan my memory but I guess I haven't really taken an effort to learn one. I'm not sporty. I only know of skipping rope. (I'm quite good at it. :))And maybe a bit of belly dancing and taebo inside my room. Yup. My room here in BQ is big enough for me to skip and hop and jump and do taebo. :)

But this summer would be different for me. No grand vacations. No enrollment on a hobby class. Less sleeping. I'll be, first and foremost, continuing my Master's thesis. It's pending for a year and a half already. This is the time that I'll be grounding myself to refocus again. (May God bless me on this one. I need the strength to stick on it, the determination to work so hard, the passion so I can continue with a big heart for it, and the wisdom to easily understand everything.)

Secondly, it'll be my first summer job ever! :) I refuse to accept work on summers before because of the climate here. The heat is really unbearable. But this time, I think I can manage. So what's with the heat. I have my umbrella. I'll be applying so much of my sunblock and drink lots and lots of water. I'm already excited! :) Classes start next week. MSU on a summer here I come! :)

Thirdly, I'll be learning the computer algebra system which I'll be teaching the next semester. When it was opened up to me, I got my blood running to my face. My cells became so alive! :) Finally, there's something new. I'll be over preparing for algebra, trigonometry, geometry, even basic math. I'll be teaching how to use computer software on math. Oh, Lord! You truly answers prayers. And visions do come into reality. Now, who says teaching life is boring? I super love this job! :)

Fourthly, I'll be serving the Christian Life Program of Singles for Christ every Sunday. Now, this one will break the monotony in my hectic weekdays. The community is like my sanctuary. It gives me joy being with my brothers and sisters. And this summer, we'll have new members. The Gensan chapter is getting bigger. More singles will be living the fullness of life. :)

When this summer means less fun for me, it'll be more academically nurturing and spiritually comforting.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Not Just Any Other Graduation

April 8, 2010 was Mindanao State University's Baccalaureate Services. Teachers are always enjoined to join these services and the graduation ceremonies the day after. We also prepare for these days just like the graduates. We buy our dresses, think about our hair do's. It's an every year affair in which We take extra effort to look good, eventhough we don't really have big participation.

But this year for me is not just any other graduaion. It was my brother Toto's graduation and he was a Cum Laude! :) I'm so proud of him. He's the only awardee in BS Biology. His efforts have finally been paid off. We did not expect it but he worked so hard and surprised us. :) I like it when my siblings achieve something great because it's a source of joy for my parents. I saw how my parents marched with great pride.



I remember how it was for me four years ago. I was emotional when I was heading to the stage, holding both my parents' hands because I was the first in the family who graduated in college with honors. It was a very fulfilling moment for me. It was my gift to my parents after long years of support and sacrifices. Going back to my brother. The night of graduation, we had grand celebration at home. I described it to be grand because it was the first ever "party" at home that we had pig lechon. We just usually had chicken lechon, just like on my college graduation.

I was very happy that night when my mother's co-teachers reminded us of how blessed we are to have been raised wonderfully by our parents. That night I realized how proud I am of how my siblings have become. Almost everyone in the party expected Toto to pursue his studies in a medical school. It became a pressure on him because he really wanted to get a masters in environmental science. He's giving himself a year to think about his career path. And I pray that he would choose the one which he sees himself living for the rest of his life.



It was also my sister Lenlen's 26th birthday on the 9th, which made it a 4-in-1 celebration. My 25th birthday was on the 2nd of April. My Aunt Bebing on the 7th and our youngest brother Bobet on the 16th. Truly God rewards hard works and surprises us with things we did not even ask for! :)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

A Commencement Speech Which Made Me Cry


I always pay attention to speeches. People of great achievements inspire me so much. I have this continuous desire to be successful and effective in my every endeavor. Thus, i get inspiration from those who have reached what I still am working on.

This speech is extra special to me. This was delivered by Engr. Guillermo Pantuhan, our high school valedictorian and a very good friend. (General Santos City High School, March 2010) I was controlling my tears especially on the part when his father died. This is special because, I felt like I was part of the journey. I remembered how it was and I felt him.

But apart from these personal reasons, this is something that every student must get inspiration from.



What defines a great nation is how great its people are. What defines a great person is how wise he utilizes his resources, how full are his potentials and how whole his being is. And in everything, beyond all the hard works and passion, is the need for education.

History speaks how education has changed the world. Education, springing out of man’s natural desire to satisfy his curiosities, has changed the life of mankind. It was education that built the ancient Pyramids and the modern skyscrapers. It was education that tamed the lions and cloned the sheep. It was the same education that created the alphabet and enabled us to type our text messages. And in all man’s intelligence, and even in all his foolishness, there was education behind them.

Back when I was a child, my parents would always remind me to value education. Lagi nilang sinasabi na mag-aral ng mabuti, na ang edukasyon ay ang pinakamagandang kayamanang maipapamana nila sa akin. Ito raw ang magdadala sa akin sa tagumpay at ang magbibigay katuparan sa aking mga pangarap. Ako naman, isang batang napakamura pa ng isipan, umaayon lang sa kanila nang di talaga naiintindihan ang kahulugan at lalim ng mga salitang yon. Even when I went to high school and college, they never falter in reminding me to work hard for my education. And now, years after, I fully comprehend what they taught me.

When you have education, there seems to be no limit to what you have and to what you can do. Education has not only given me knowledge, but as well as power, privilege, influence and confidence, among all other things. It is not just knowledge on science or mathematics or language, but wisdom, the type of intellect that enables me to make the best choices and the right actions. Ito ang talinong kayang desisyonan kung kelan ang tama ay makakabuti, o kelan ang mabuti ay siyang tama. Education has given me power to change my life in several aspects – financially, materially, emotionally, and spiritually. It has given me the privilege to make my dreams come true. It has given me confidence that I could freely express myself and the influence that I could be more responsive and I could touch other people’s lives. And more than anything else, it has given me much more than what I wanted for myself, for my family, and for the society. According to Nelson Mandela, an African Nobel prize – awardee, “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” And indeed, in countless ways, education has changed the world, and our lives.

Ang masaklap nga lang, hindi lahat sa atin ay nabibigyan ng pagkakataon sa edukasyon. According to a study conducted, 96.77 percent of Filipino elementary school-age children go to school while only 66.06 percent of high school-age teenagers go to secondary school. Ibig sabihin, kulang-kulang na pito sa bawat sampung kabataang Pinoy ang nakakapag-high school. Pito sa bawat sampu. Kung wala sa paaralan, nasaan ang tatlo? Sa bahay lang ba, o nagtatrabaho na, o nasa kalye lamang? Moreover, 27 out of 100 Filipinos aged 25-64 have completed at least tertiary education. O naging tatlo na lamang sa bawat sampu ay nakatapos ng kolehiyo. At sa mga nakatapos, hindi pa lahat ay may angkop na trabaho. Yan ang sinasabi ng mga numero, mga statistikang sumasalamin sa tunay na kalagayan ng ating bansa. Kahit ano pa ang kadahilanan ng mga numerong ito, napakahalaga pa rin ng eduakasyon. It is education itself that can actually change the figures.

Our quest for education, and as well as for fulfilling our dreams in the process, is never easy at all. Mahirap, masakit at minsan pa nga ay malungkot. At makailang beses, madadarapa tayo at paulit-ulit na susubukin ng pagkakataon.

I am not exempted to these hardships. I faced several trials along the way; and like all of us, I struggled. My family lived a very simple life; with my parent’s simple means of sustaining the family’s needs, somehow, we survived each day. Iyon nga lang, maraming pagtitipid at pagtitiis. May mga bagay na kelangang isantabi muna, ipagpaliban, hanapan ng alternatibo, at minsan pa, di na talaga pwede. Hindi ako namulat sa maluhong pamumuhay; ang sapat ay talagang sapat nga lang, at ang sobra ay kailangang ilaan sa iba. Dahil dito, natuto akong itaguyod ang aking sarili at mangarap nang higit pa sa kaninuman. Naging matatag at masigasig ako. At labis-labis na ipinagpapasalamat ko ito sa aking mga magulang.

Fortunately, by the Almighty’s mercy, I got a scholarship in high school; and in college, I acquired more scholarships that I truly became financially independent. Lahat-lahat, ako na ang gumagastos para sa aking sarili. It was a good feeling – to be of great help to myself, and to be of greater help to my family. Anyone can gain scholarships, if only we explore our strengths and use them to our greatest advantage. There are plenty of opportunities and privileges for those performing well in sports, dancing, singing, theater, and academics; and what needs to be done is to develop and nurture them.

But there are some events we cannot reckon that will happen to us. Early 2007, I underwent an eye operation. I had a cataract in my right eye. For the past days, I was living with only one good eye. Hindi ko lubos mawari kung paano ako nagkaroon ng katarata, basta’t nagising na lamang ako isang umaga na ang nakikita ng aking isang mata ay puro ulap. Mga ulap na kulay abo, kulay ng kalungkutan at paghihirap. Parang isang malaking kumot ang bumalot sa aking pagkatao. Ngunit sabi nga nila, “behind the clouds, the sun shines.” After a sensitive eye surgery, I was able to see clearly again. Life was clearer again, and the world was much brighter. Ang ganda ng mundo. Truly, health is wealth.

After all the hard work, I finally reaped all the harvests. Amidst all the applause and happy faces, I received my college diploma by March 30, 2007, with the honors of Cum Laude. I was very happy.

By August that year, after a long review, financial drain, and struggle with frequent asthma attacks, I took the licensure examination for agricultural engineers. After a few days, the results were released – I placed second in the national ranking. In the newspapers, and on the Internet, I found my name. Ang sarap palang malathala ang iyong pangalan! Ang aking kaligayahan ay abot hanggang langit. Nanalig ako sa Diyos at ibinuhos ko ang aking enerhiya at galing sa isang bagay na lubos kong inaasam-asam. At nagbunga ang lahat. By November that same year, I was accepted at Mindanao State University – General Santos City as a faculty member.

I felt most blessed, and I have never felt happier in my whole life. But just when I thought I have everything I have worked hard and prayed for, a tragedy struck my family. By December 8, 2007, before my glorious year had ended, my father died. He died of cardiac arrest and complication in his internal organs. He died so suddenly. He died only few months after I graduated and topped the board exam, and only two weeks after I started my job at the university. He died before Christmas and New Year came. He died even before I could share to him my first salary. Days after, I received my first pay check, and for a very long time, I stared at the piece of paper. It was a two-month pay and it was big. But no amount of money could fill the sorrow in the heart; I have never felt sadder in my whole life. My father had always been very proud of me. Tuwing recognition o graduation ko, gustong-gusto niya na siyang yong aakyat sa stage at magsasabit ng aking ribbon o medalya. Napakahilig niyang payuhan ako tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay kahit na minsan ay hindi naman ako nagiging interesado. Napakadami niyang pangarap para sa akin na kanyang bunso at junior. At habang tinititigan ko ang cheke na iyon, inaalala ko ang kanyang mukha. Ipininta ko sa aking isipan ang kanyang mukha. Gusto kong ibahagi ang lahat sa kanya, at kahit sa huling pagkakataon ay yakapin siya at pasalamatan. Ngunit imposible; kaya kahit sa isip man lamang at imahinasyon ko, ginawa ko iyon. Yong cheke ay isang kapiraso lamang ng papel, ngunit kinatawan nito ang lahat ng pinangarap ng aking ama para sa akin at sa buong pamilya. At ikanga, aanhin pa ang damo, pag patay na ang kabayo.

2007 is such a memorable year for me; it was the year of my greatest triumph and greatest loss. But I must continue. The world will not stop turning for me, so I must persevere. 2008 and 2009 passed. The years rolled by and more opportunities and blessings came to me.

Education has indeed fulfilled my dreams. It has fulfilled others’ dreams as well. Yet, education is not a free gift. It is something earned by hard work, patience and perseverance. It is not a one strike victory, not something we get overnight. It is more of a seed that needs to be planted deep in ourselves; it has to be nurtured, developed and protected. More importantly, education is not a one-man battle.

There are those teachers who had been with you throughout this endeavor. Graduates, if you are happy right now, I assure you that your teachers are a hundred times happier than you. Pag sinabi ni Ma’am o ni Sir mamaya na “proud sila sa iyo”, believe them. Dili na siya atik-atik lang. I am a teacher myself.And when it comes to their students, teachers are the most caring and most sincere people in the world.

There are also those parents who are right now the happiest and proudest fathers and mothers in the world. My parents may not have provided me before with the best of the world; but they gave me the best love, the best understanding and the best support I needed to succeed. And from a child’s perspective, I say na masarap harapin ang mga laban sa buhay hangga’t alam mong may mga magulang kang lagi lamang sa iyong likuran na gumagabay at tumutulong.

And above anyone else, there are the students who are right now the graduates. You have done an excellent job; in the following years, I believe you can do so much more and so much better in your life. Life is like a classroom lecture, there are lessons being taught, but it is up to us to listen, to take notes, to study, and to learn. And if ever we fail the quizzes, we can always redeem ourselves, strive harder and score high in the major examinations.

In everything we achieve, let us always remain humble. This is one of the best lessons in life – to be humble. When we make ourselves humble, others will make us great. In every blessing that comes, always share and give back. Always keep in ourselves a thankful and giving heart. In this way, we will succeed in life. For true success only comes when we start dreaming less for ourselves, but more for our loved ones, for our community, for the country, and for the whole world.

Graduates, high school chapter has ended, but there are still more chapters to come. Don’t let this be the end of your education. Push forward and aim high, yet, working within your own limitations. Dream, persevere, and succeed. As you received your diploma, you also accept the challenge of being responsible Filipino youth, the hope of our motherland. To all of you graduates, CONGRATULATIONS!

Ladies and gentlemen, good morning and Magandang Gensan!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I Never Saw It Coming

I love retreats! I love the moments of silence even in the presence of many people. The retreat mode inspires me to reconnect with my inner being. I love the reflections the most because I discover lots about myself.

On the Single's Discovery Weekend Retreat last week, we were able to discover our 5 P's - Our PURPOSE, PASSION, PAINS, PLEASURE, AND POWER. I loved that weekend. (More on my discoveries next time).

On the early beautiful morning of the second day, the retreat master gave us a quarter of a catolina, crayons, and an instruction to draw a picture of our lives 5 years from now. I've done this vision of my future few days back. In fact, I've shared my dreams in this blog (pls see: In My Perfect Life). And so, I've finished drawing and coloring in a snap.



I'm not an artist here. But I'm so proud of what I've done because it was heartily made and it speaks the whole of who I want to become and what I want to do and have.

Here it is folks! I need a drum roll here please...



I know what you're thinking. Yeah! Don't mention it. Thank you so much for the generous comments :)

This is truly special in my eyes. It wasn't about the drawing. It was about the state of my heart when I drew it. I was at the point in my life that I was so sure of who I want to become and thus, I poured all my heart and all that I was that moment. It was a perfect picture of my life 5 years from now.



I was so spirit-filled and excited when I shared my vision and I was happy with how my friends responded. They thought I've vividly described my future. And everyone else there had fair share of presenting their visions. Everyone felt delighted about the activity.

The retreat master even had a recap of each of our dreams. She was holding our drawings in her hand..... when she suddenly TORE our dreams, MY DREAMS apart! How devastated I was! I saw her even crumpling my dreams. I found my heart being torn and crumpled as well. I never saw that coming. I never thought my dreams will be shattered. I never imagined a small possibility of not living my vision. I've always held my dreams close to my heart and cherished a big hope that one day, these things will come true... because I'm working on it... because all that I'm doing now are heading to it. How will these dreams not come true?



It was then that I started shedding tears... The reality struck me. WHAT IF? What if, all of what I've imagined won't get real? What if everything will remain dreams? What if there will be many hindrances? What if things will not go the way I want them to? What if there will be people or situations which won't allow me to go this and that path? Woooooaaahhh!

And then, I snapped out. Yes, there will be hindrances. But I'm willing to pursue. Yes, there is a possibility that some of the things won't come. But I'm sure majority of those things will and if not, better things will. And yes, things may not go the way I want them to. But I'm a flexible person. I can accept the things I can't change but I'm determined to change the things that I can.

I've never been this hopeful in my life and noone can take away that vision of a very wonderful future in my heart.

God promises a wonderful future for His princess.. :) To my King be all the glory!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

My Struggle: Singaw (Mouth Sore or Canker Sore)



Since I got my braces this had always been my struggle. It's just so painful. Whew!

From what I've read:

"The exact cause of many aphthous ulcers is unknown. Factors that provoke them include stress, fatigue, illness, injury from accidental biting, hormonal changes, menstruation, sudden weight loss, food allergies, the foaming agent in toothpaste (SLS-Sodium Lauryl sulfate), and deficiencies in vitamin B12,iron and folic acid." - wikipedia

Mine are I guess were often caused by accidental biting and contacts with my braces. This would cause me to eat less and eventually, to lose weight. I can't eat well :(

At first, mouth sores were just tolerable. I just gargle salt solution. It somehow relieves a bit of the pain but as my mouth dries again after talking (especially during lectures), I struggle again. My dentist says, it's just normal for my present state. It's a consequence of having these braces. I forgot the medicine that she told me whenever I'd have one. And so, I went straight to the pharmacy and the pharmacist recommended this Dequadin . It says it's an oral paint and its generic name is Dequalinium chloride. The label says it's for the treatment of mouth and throat infections. And so I bought it. True enough, it soothes my pains. It wasn't much of a struggle anymore. But I noticed it didn't really cure the sores. It only relieved me of my pains. (Omg! Was it only a pain reliever?)

I still kept using it everytime I got sores for about 2 months. But there was a time when I had this big canker sore outside my lower lip. It wasn't that painful because it was exposed to the air and it didn't touch my braces. And so, it was just ok. Not until, it looked odd already. I had this some sort of a rice grain on my lip always.

And then, I tried TAWAS.



It was highly recommended by a friend but I chose to listen to the pharmacist (which maybe had not experienced having one) over my friend (who confessed to have used it everytime he had one). I tried his advice one night and surprise! When I woke the next morning, the pain was gone and the "rice grain" almost faded.

I don't know what a tawas has but thanks to it! I'm now so armed against mouth sores! :)

Thank U Ma'am

I had this low confidence on my performance this semester as a teacher, especially in my algebra class. I just knew in myself that I wasn't at my best. I realized this almost at the end of the sem already.

I tried to regain my strength and enthusiasm to change the atmosphere in my classroom. And at the time that I thought it was too late, I got this note from an anonymous student. He/she submitted this together with the last quiz I gave them. And it surprised me :)



Life's little surprises like this, makes me feel special. At times when i feel I'm not doing well, it feels good to still be noticed and appreciated, especially by someone I least expect. This goes to show that I could be more appreciated when I'm at my best.

This is also one of the reasons why I love teaching. Teachers get more than what they work for. More than money, we get love and appreciation. :)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Teacher's Dilemma




The school year is about to end and my heart is rejoicing! Finally, it's break time! Yeah, that's what I'm excited about but I'm going to teach this summer,though. It'll be my first summer career in MSU. :) But I'll have two weeks break still. Anyways, what I don't want about the end of the year is the giving of grades. I now can handle the "burden" of failing a student. The first time was really tough. I'm thinking of their parents. I know how hard parents work to send their children to school and it would be painful for them to accept their children's failures. I've seen how my mother was disappointed when my brother failed in one of his majors which meant another year in school for him. I've been considering that for so long up until I realized that it was a wrong point of view.

I should be more concerned with the student's future. If I'll pass him, the next one would be much harder. So I talk to students before failing them and offering another consideration of shifting to another course. But if they really are decided to continue, I just tell them to study harder and have a disciplined study habits. This gesture is applicable for fresh students in the university. But what about those who are about to graduate? This is the hardest part for me.

I give removal exams only for graduating students to give them reasonable chances to wear their togas and march along. After all, apart from the standards of my profession, it still is important to give humane considerations. So I give ample of time for them to be prepared. But there really are students who can't pass. It pains me. How have they neglected one subject which would delay their life's pattern? It's hard seeing them walking out of the office with their heads so bowed and shoulders so sagged. It's as if I've done something to make their next months miserable. How their parents must have been so disappointed.

If only I could make all things possible with my own hands..

Saturday, March 20, 2010

In My Perfect Life


It's two weeks before my birthday. Every year, I have this evaluation and reflection of my life... and visualization of my new year ahead. I haven't started with my evaluation yet but I've found very interesting questions that I would like to take time to reflect on.

I've got these questions from Ate My's blog which she also got from Paul Myers' ebook "Achieve Your Goals" @ esnips.com.

Few of the questions were:

In your perfect life:

-where would you live?
-what kind of people would you like to spend time with?
-how would you spend your time, if you could be doing anything you wanted?
-what would you eat? wear? have?
-would you work? If so, what would you do? If not, what would you do?
-what do you want to learn? to know? to be?
-where would you like to take a vacation? What would you do?


And here are my answers :)

- I still don't have a particular place in mind but I would always dream of having a house at somewhere rural where fresh air and green fields and blue skies are everywhere. It would be some kinda rest house where i could go to during weekends because I still want to work in a city proper. Thus, I want to have two houses :)
- I will be spending so much time with my parents and siblings. During weekends, we'll have lunch together with our own families. I want my children to see my parents often. I'll have regular chit-chats with my lifetime girlfriends about life, family, and business.
- I'm a woman who wants to do so much. So in my perfect life, I would be working as a teacher, a statistician for graduate studies and even at a corporate world (that's just once in a while and when my kids are already in school), having a bakeshop or a restaurant. And when at home, I'll be having a vegetable garden, I'll be a hands-on wife and mom even up to preparing my husband's and kids' baon. I'll be sewing my curtains, bedsheets and pillowcases. :)
- I'm not so much of a meat eater. And I hope in few years, I can eliminate meat and just be a fan of fishes and veggies. I would want to design and sew my own clothes. I want to have my own car so I can go anywhere and take my loved ones for joyrides. (This one is a secret revealed: My wildest dream is to own a resort here in General Santos City. One that would be a family sanctuary.)
- I still want to work. I still want to teach part time. I really want to manage a resort. It seems to be a very fulfilling job, developing a beautiful place for people's memorable moments.
- I want to enhance my cooking skills. I've enrolled in cooking lessons before and I want more! I want to know more about managing a household because I want to be a loving wife and mother of 2 kids.
- I want me and my husband-to-be to travel often. And when we'll have our two kids, we'll take vacations twice a year. Visits to my mother's hometown in Capiz and visits to my in-laws, as well because it's always fulfilling to reconnect with my roots. We'll go to different places everytime and try every adventure. :)


These are my visions of my future. And I can't wait to live my perfect life! :)

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Sing Your Heart Out

I so love singing. I don't have that golden voice but friends and family know that I love to sing :)


My most favorite singing moment is during shower. At home, I usually bring my phone with me and join with the MP3's so I can also dance with the music. When in the shower at BQ (Bachelors' Quarter) in school, Ate My and I often sing our hearts' out. It's one of our wonderful moments together. We sing songs which are in theme with our moods or hearts' status.

Singing is one of my stress-relievers. The notes, even how beautiful they are, are not so friendly with me though. My sister would say, I just couldn't hit one. :)



But I've accepted that painful fact already. What's important is, I'm happy singing. I pity those whose ears are on me. :) Uhmmmm.. Please be patient with me. :)

What's a good fact is that recent studies reveal that just ten to twenty minutes of singing - whether you are in the car, the shower or anywhere else - has numerous health benefits, including:

- Lowering levels of the stress hormone
- Causing increased release of endorphins, those feel good brain chemicals
- Slowing and regulating breathing and heart rate
- Reducing perceived pain

I never realized I've been doing so much good for my body just by singing. I'm not only happy. I'm also healthy!


Sing your heart out!!!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Letting Go: It's A Start

I've always been dreaming of having a tidy office table. Uhmmm.. Yeah. Sounds weird. Maybe you'd raise a brow on me and say, "That's supposed to be a must and not a dream." :) And yes, I know.

I'm the type of person who can work not minding my workplace... which could be good at times because I get to remain focused even under the piles of paperworks around me. These are papers which I can't let go of. Grades, quizzes, handouts of previous semesters and even years. Letting go's and goodbyes are the hardest things for me. And these, too apply to my papers.

When I was about to look for something, I had to dig under mountains of papers and books. And several minutes are wasted because I had to take one pile to the other or take out some things from my drawer and bring them back in again. Good if I find that something but on several occasions, I just give up. Haaayyyy..


And then on a very lovely mood one beautiful morning, when I found myself looking for something to do, I finally decided to let go of everything I'm not supposed to keep. :) Letting go's aren't that sad after all.

And now, I have more organized workplace and a more organized and peaceful me. :)

Let me give you a look on the fruit of my labor :)




























This is my table in the faculty room. I have my books and notebooks arranged on the filer at the right side. I have few kikay things on the same side. I have my mirror, my snowglobes, my pen holders. I have the collection of my godchildren's pictures under the glass, as well.

All the papers were gone. Yey! And I'm feeling all good! :) It's a Start.

All the stuff on my table are gifts.



I love snowglobes. Aside from spaghetti, quiet moment with a snowglobe would "de-stress" me. The one at the left was given by Ate My from Yokohama. At the right was from Ate Doli. She gave me that when we both celebrated our 2nd year in MSU. And the biggest one was from Drew. The clear view of the figures inside the globe gives me tranquility.



This one was a giveaway from my godchild Zach's Christening. This inspires me to smile and stay happy.



Marich, my household member, gave this as a Christmas present last December.




And this one is my favorite. It's from my Ate. Her officemates gave this to her on her birthday. But she knew I loved happy piggy stuff so she gave it to me.


I love starting something new! :)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

what's in a name

Isn't it so common at one point or two in our elementary or secondary years, when we were asked to write an essay of where our names came from? Wheeew! Maybe most of u, if not all have beautiful and exciting stories of your names. My friends would have a name which is a combination of their parents'. One's name started with letter C because she was the third child and C is the third letter of the alphabet. One was named after the month they were born or after a favorite actor of his mother and many other stories. My classmates then would have several paragraphs with many sentences in a paragraph (Teachers would encourage lots of sentences those days. And as much as possible, both sides of the paper would be consumed.)

And there went my anxiety :( My name doesn't have any story. I've asked my mother about this a thousand times. Only she could mention, "Oh, I've read that name somewhere else." Oh mama... Hadn't she anticipated that essays on "How did you get your name?" will be asked of me in the future? :) But I got over that "pity-me-i-dont-have-a-name's-story thing" already. I just can't remember what I've written. Maybe I just made up something just to fill my paper. :)

My real name is Emmylou. And that's it. I can tell nothing more about it. :) Funny huh. Yeah! It's fun telling that now.



Memouly is my self-made name when i was in second year high school. It contains the same letters as my real name and I jumbled them up. And there it goes... I have another beautiful name. I use it as my pen name. I just love the sound of it and the creative ways of writing my favorite letter M.



Some things which are not in place can be beautiful.

Lipstick

I'm not really fond of make-ups. I don't have a full packed make-up kit. I only bring lip gloss, lip balm and sometimes, lipstick. But most often, I only secure my lip balm. And I only put on make-ups during special occasions and have my friends or my Aunt apply them on me. I know definitely NOTHING about it but up until recently I felt the desire to enhance my beauty. :) I guess it'll be so exciting to look at the mirror once in a while and have a different look of me.



And so, just this weekend, I got hold of an Avon lipstick! Yey! It's not my first though it's one that I'm so excited about. :) I just don't understand the rush of blood about making myself better.

I got these short tips for a beginner: For longer-lasting color, apply over a base of lip pencil. Colors may be layered for custom effects. For extra moisture and shine, top with a coat of lip gloss, concentrating on the center of your lips

I'll buy the lip pencil yet. :)

And next up, I'll learn the art of having beautiful eyes. :)

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Farm Adventure on a Weekend

Last weekend, we went to my Uncle's wake at Bagumbayan, Sultan Kudarat. My father's brother was such a cheerful man. There were lots of laughters in his house last weekend because according to his wife and four daughters, he would talk about not having sad people on his wake. I personally felt a joyous atmosphere. And actually found some things to be grateful for and be amazed about.

On our way to Bagumbayan, we passed by beautiful places. God's creation is just splendid. Some of the pictures were accidentally deleted by my cousin but glad to still have kept a few.



The mountains seem so near. I've never been on a place where mountains are this close to me. One day, I will be on top of one of those..




So glad to see very green fields despite El Nino..




And this was my favorite view. Carabaos taking their bath. :) I remember that when I was still so much younger, the only way to get to my grandmother's house was on a Caro- a wooden cart pulled by a carabao. So glad that they now have concrete roads but i miss these carabaos. :)


We've also passed by the beautiful Capitol of Sultan Kudarat in Isulan.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

My Source of Joy




My two little cousins, Revson (5) and Heart(4) are darlings in the family. They're children of my mother's first cousin Auntie Lanie which make them my second cousins. They live about 10-minute ride from our home and thus, often visit us. I got this adoration for children from my mother who loves being with children. She doesn't seem to get tired taking care of them. I have two nieces Chin-chin and Ashley, daughters of my eldest sister. But we seldom get to see them for one is in Capiz and the other one is in Tarlac.


I've started teaching Revson nursery rhymes when he was 3. And he was such a fast learner. He loves watching instructional materials too which makes me more inclined to him because apart from teaching math, i so love teaching ABC's and 123's. Sometimes, i would think of being a preschool teacher instead. :)

Later on Heart joined my little lessons/playtime to his brother at home. She wasn't as interested as Revson at first but as she started going to school, she became more attentive.

Heart is also my goddaughter. She was born on a Valentine's day so we call her Heart. The picture above was during her 4th birthday in Maharlika where I also spent my 2010 Valentine's day.




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